As much as I thought I would love to be in a loving relationship, now that it’s at my doorstep, or more so, inside my house, I’m scared as hell. Things were easy when I could feel comfort in knowing that he did not know everything about me; and this kept my feelings at bay. But now that he does know, I’m drifting into the deep oceans. Nothing opens my heart more than knowing that someone can see me fully and still want me.
It’s like I just can’t let go and allow myself to be put in the position to be hurt. I guess this makes me a bag lady because heartache still feels so near. I’m scared to DEATH to be hurt again.
I almost want to break up with him just so that I can feel normal again. It’s funny how you think you’ll never get used to being single and then suddenly, that’s your past. Next thing you know, you’re missing the comfort of knowing that no one can hurt you because you’re not committed.
This may sound crazy, but I almost want to stop talking to my boyfriend for a while just to get to that place were I feel in control again.
Otherwise, I’m just falling.