#AbuseIsNotCute: Comments on the Chris Brown and Rihanna Relationship Propaganda
To begin, let me inform you that I am a high school teacher in the South Bronx. I have no children, but feel sorrowful for those who do.
Recently, Rihanna has released a new song featuring Chris Brown entitled, Birthday Cake. Take a look. She’s making him her bitch now…
After an entire explanation on the cause behind the Man Down video, I can honestly say that I am perplexed at her actions.
After the airing of this video, Rihanna justified her music by saying that this is for all women who have been sexually assaulted. I suppose assault is only problematic if it’s vaginal.
I want to state that I am not denying that Rihanna may have hit Chris Brown first. I do not condone those actions. To hit a man because you know that he is hesitant to hit you back is abusive and shameful.
When you work with teenagers everyday, you quickly realize the realities of urban/pop culture. Whether celebrities want to be responsible or not, they set the standard for many cultural aspects that children aspire to. It is this reason that legends like Bob Marley was tracked by the FBI. He was THAT POWERFUL. High paying jobs always come with large responsibility. I’m sure the CEO of Goldman Sachs had the same complaint as most rappers; “This is just business [entertainment].”
If it’s one message I would like Chris Brown and Rihanna to state is that #AbuseIsNotCute. It is ok to formulate a friendship and even further, it is ok to forgive. But nobody said a damn thing about forgetting. Rihanna is human, and if she goes back to him, she is troubled with same challenges that women around the world face: How do we as women, set the standard for true love?
The romanticizing of both Chris Brown and Rihanna’s shortcomings is truly an attack on our children. The #TeamBreezy’s and record labels that are seeing dollar signs in Rihanna swollen eye, do not care about the behaviors kids are absorbing through their environment. Rihanna is a world-recognized superstar. She does not need a song with Chris Brown for publicity. She also does a fine job, by herself, drawing attention to her talent. Man Down is just one example.
It’s amazing what the world will turn the other cheek to for the sake of an R&B song. R Kelly can sing at Whitney Houston’s funeral, Chris Brown can win a Grammy and Amber Rose can have an opportunity to join the music scene.
I’m disappointed. It’s a falsehood to say that people are ready to “forgive” Chris Brown. I am not asking for his apology. What I am demanding is some social responsibility, the same way parents demanded parental controls on cable along with TV show ratings and age requirements for purchasing cigarettes. While no parent gives their child permission to engage in harmful acts, they fall vulnerable to other stakeholders that have access to their children’s lexicon, influencing their thoughts and decision making at such an impressionable stage in their development.
If artists can’t make songs that are antisemetic, why can Rihanna make a song about “bitching” Chris Brown?
I’ll wait…
The sexism, and more specifically, the romanticizing of sexism, has got to stop. It’s time for our girls and boys, whom many may be without fathers, to have a healthy vision of true love. Love, little sister, does not slam your head against the passenger window of a car.
Standards vs. Expectations: looking at love & relationships from a new perspective
They tell you that a man will do to you, whatever you allow him to do. Let me be the first to say that this is 100% true.
But we all know that sometimes… things just aren’t that simple/easy/black & white. Sometimes you honestly and truly LOVE someone, unconditionally even.
Agape love is present-life nirvana from my perspective, in that it frees us from wordly expectations. It’s still standing when reason has fallen long ago; 15 years ago, to be exact. But…
I have realized that every person is entitled to having standards for how they want to be treated and cared for. I have them. They aren’t astronomical but they do require commitment.
In order for people to meet these standards they must fulfill certain expectations. Although sometimes, human beings fall short of them. What do we say when a son fails to call his dad for father’s day, or when a grandchild misses her grandmother’s appreciation dinner? The standard was there, though the expectation wasn’t met. But year after year, we love our family anyway.
When you can’t choose who you love, you learn to love them for who they are. Cliche, but oh-so-true.
As a special educator for high school kids, I have learned so much about setting high standards for even the most challenged of children. They are all capable and they all have the same expectations. But they all do not reach them at the same time or in the same way. What matters only, is the desire to learn for themselves.
I thank God for a man that loves God, and is in turn ready to learn to love me. As a result, I am learning to let love, period. I’m learning that love is no mold nor model. It’s fluid and looks different for each union, unique in every way. Love is the product of Us and for that, I am patient and willing to deal with what’s right in front of me. No fairytales.
With that said, I am sure that I am still reaching his expectations as well. 🙂 In fact, I have no doubt in my mind! I over analyze things and can tend to beat a dead horse. I’m also a bit fixed and can stand to learn to Let Go. But what’s special is that we both believe in each other and what we’re willing to do for our love. We believe that we’re meant for one another. That, cliche or not, means EVERYTHING.
So I guess I’ll be expecting Us to reach Our standard of love. Until then, I’m thinking Florida might be a good place for us to move… What do you think? 😉
Ho Tales: Living a Double Life In Spite of the “Sexual Revolution”
Lately, there has been a lot of attention on the “sexual revolution” and the rise in STDs. As I read my timeline full of feminist activists and scope the blogosphere, I can’t help but to ask, “Where is this revolution taking place?” And is anybody accounting for the amount of unprotected sex being had by people of all ages?
I can’t help but to feel blotted out of this “revolution” that’s supposedly going on. Every woman I know is revolutionary in her own right, but not in front of men necessarily. The conversations had by women in the absence of men are the most telling about the nature of this “revolution” and what it means for women of color. I know so many women who are forced to lead double lives because they want to be human and have a chance to get married on day.
When a woman chooses to have sex before marriage, she is still expected to not be sexually active (or too sexually active) outside of the confounds of a committed relationship. To be single is to be waiting. When you don’t wait, you’re desperate and/or a ho, which in this context means black and having more than one too many sexual partners than your love interest can stand.
So many women live double lives – having sex with a team of men, rotating them throughout the week. I myself have some ho tails to share – sexing more than one guy in a week and/or sleeping with a guy for the sole purpose of getting good dick and some decent company. Once I slept with this guy on Day 2 and the only reason why I didn’t go after what I wanted on Day 1 was because of the cardinal rule: NEVER sleep with a guy on the first date if you want to be treated with any level of respect or potentially be in a relationship with him.
Or how about my homegirl who met a Jamaican guy on the street and sexed him in the nearby corner, outside? She loved every minute of it and never saw him again. But she doesn’t tell just anybody about that marvelous experience because she knows that she would be judged horrendously. One friend of mine particularly enjoys threesomes, and double penetration is something she swears by. But this was only told to me in secrecy.
There are plenty of women who have stories that they would never mention in the presence of men; and despite our inner milestones of sexual revelation, I can speak for myself and say that I am still struggling with being all of me in front of a man, hoisms and all. Not to mention, the amount of policing that takes place by other women… As a professional that works with teenagers, the word ho gets tossed around a lot; and despite the bombardment of our youth with sexual images, there is still a very heavy policing of “appropriate sexual behavior” as determined by the standards of their peers. Homosexuals are still bullied everyday.
In adulthood, women are called hoes by the most insecure of women in my opinion, when they merely display sexual human characteristics; and the need to appear as closely to the Virgin Mary as possible is still widespread. There are women who still pride themselves on how long they’ve “held out” from sex despite the fact that they’re already committing fornication by biblical standards.
With the amount of women experiencing sexual disfunction, I can’t push a claim so grandiose as a “sexual revolution”. Yes, I can pursue a guy for sex without being stoned, but I can’t without being placed in the “ho” category. We have now progressed to terms such as “cut buddy” and “trick”. But a woman will curb her number of buddies and tricks based on the men present in the room, in fear of being labeled a jump off. There is no need to get into the double standards that we all know exist. We all experience it everyday. So how then can we call this revolutionary?
While I know more men and women who have dabbled in same – sex pleasures, it doesn’t speak to the rise in anti-gay legislation world wide. It is legal to kill homosexuals in many countries, yet we claim revolutionary status. Resolved, that this sexual revolution is about rich and middle class, heterosexual, white women. While I stand in solidarity with them, I wish the discourse were more inclusive of the diversity of people’s daily lives, realities and set backs.
Yes, I can make my own choices about my sexuality but I must be prepared to live with the consequences of my honesty or live in secrecy, which so many of us do.
So if this revolution is really going on, it’s not going on in my community; and certainly not with any of my friends. I would like to know who named it as such and why they chose the word revolution. Was it to incite such a thing? I certainly hope not because the revolutionaries have always been here, feminist living since the beginning of time. The question is, will others revolutionize themselves to be tolerant of difference?
I don’t think so. Human beings have not arrived at that place yet.
The Balls Don’t Make the Man
From a man’s point of view…
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-balls-dont-make-the-man/
The Lost Art of Prostitution
“He gave me the standard. He gave me quiver. He gave me the art of love making. He gave me the kissing of the phallus. He gave me the art of prostitution. He gave me the art of speeding.” – Innana, Queen of Heaven and Earth
The “He” She’s referring to is her dad Enki, God of Wisdom, who bestows all of it to his precious daughter. The Cycle of Inanna and the Hullupu Tree tell the story of how She uses all of the me, the wisdom and power that is inherited from her family, to conquer life and death. Through this cycle, which is also symbolic of the sanctity of sex and the womb, She represents maturation and the circle of life.
Sanctity though, hasn’t always been within the confounds of marriage.
Mention Mary Magdalen and you’re bound to turn a Christian head in this post – Divinci Code era. The woman who first saw Jesus risen from his grave, the first apostle, was depicted as a common whore and a mere disciple.
Before the Crusades, before pagan burning, before Gilgamesh, there has always been Inanna, God who is also known as Isis, Ishtar, Mari, Diana, Hecate, Pasiphae, Selene, Brigit, Cybele, the Shekinah, Lilith, and Persephone. For me, She is also Yahweh, Allah and Jehova.
It’s hard to decipher God’s meaning from man’s written words. While I love the Bible for its inspiration and salvation, I can not adhere to that particular canon. King James has never been my king.
It was that canoned Bible that labeled prostitutes as common whores, women as non-clergy and homosexuals as demonic.
Sex trafficking is not the same as prostitution, let me be clear. Prostitution is the voluntary commerce of sex in exchange for resources. Involuntary characteristics include women who are economically disenfranchised, captives, children, and those who have fear.
It is proven that the books of ancient Sumerians were captured and taken to Babylon at the time when the Bible canon came into formation.
The stories of the modern day Torah and Bible are direct evidence of the plagiarism that took place.
“In the first days, in the very first days, in the first nights, the very first nights, in the first years, the very first years…” – Inanna, Her stories and hymns
The creation story, the apple of Adam and Eve… the list goes on.
So when did prostitutes go from being oracles to a common “sinner” such as Mary Magdalen?
When the Christian Church decided to establish a new world order by creating the Bible, they forgot about women, and any other person who didn’t behave the way they did. This is not to demonize Christians. This is to tell the truth about what happened during those tumultuous years after Jesus’ death.
There is no contestation that the Church represented influential power and still does to this day. The Bible became the canon that perpetuates patriarchy in the sanctuary as well as within the home…
Gnostic Christian scriptures (written in Egyptian Coptic) that were rejected from the Bible not only depicted Mary Magdalen’s role as Jesus’ wife, but it brings the concept of internal Divinity, a place reachable by every human being, not just Jesus, because we are created in God’s image. Saint Gregory saw the doom that lay ahead for male supremacy and his beloved Jesus, acted quickly and burned many texts, setting the stage for the Crusades, some of the most glorified genocides in human history.
It’s my vulva, I can charge people if I want to.
In Ancient Greece, gladiators would clean the sweat off of their bodies with olive oil and sell it to wealthy women as an aphrodisiac. Objectification is only oppressive when the object is being objectified by someone or something other than itself.
I can objectify my vulva at times… for my lover’s sake… because I love him… and because it turns him on! Women talk about how much they want “that dick” all the time. We just don’t normally discuss it in front of men, scared of being stoned to death, relatively speaking.
I also objectify love, motherhood… all things that brand what I have to offer.
Do you realize that every time you have sex no strings attached you are personally objectifying yourself, and it was a decision YOU made?
There is much to confuse when it comes to the history of prostitution. Even Hammarabi’s Code protected the rights of prostitutes and their children; prostitutes that were not always female, Ancient Greece or otherwise. (Codes 178-80, 187, 192, 193)
Inanna was a “prostitute” in the means that she could use sex and seduction to control man. The Church denounced this control in efforts to monopolize political influence. But this linear meaning is incorrect.
To have sex with Inanna is to be blessed. She bestows her awesome plains to a man that can satisfactorily “plow [her] vulva.” During intercourse, a man sings praises to Her name (which has also happened to me **clears throat** lol). (Kramer, p. 37) Her temples are often located near the local brothels of ancient cities, representing the God of spiritual healing and pleasure. Even Enkidu, Gilgamesh’s best friend and guardian ancestor, is spiritually rejuvenated after spending 6 days and 7 nights with Shamhat, a sacred prostitute.
Sacred prostitution is a concept that is presently not in existence. But I can’t help but to wonder, what would today be like if it were?
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Encounters of The Sexes 